In this journey and adventure of pregnancy and pre-motherhood, I am lucky to have insightful friends who have shared and are sharing the same experiences.
During the hard moments of "am I doing this right?" I find myself completely engulfed and overwhelmed by the information and rights and wrongs about everything. From what I eat to which side of my body I sleep on, there is an opinion, a theory if you will, about every single thing.
While trying to figure out this unpredictable, unexperienced road, I find myself feeling guilty for not just enjoying each individual moment. And to think, I am only in pre-motherhood. I can not imagine the pressure I am going to feel once baby is born. The thought of raising another individual is beyond comprehensive to me right now.
I'll admit, sometimes I get caught up in the moments of Matt's absence, I stress about the trivial, and I rush through the day counting down each moment until the next. With a forever racing mind, in a completely foreign journey, my prayer is that I am cherishing every last moment that matters. I never want to look back with regret saying, "wow that time went too by too fast."
I am sure my days will come where my screaming baby makes me doubt my reasoning or when I am frantically seeking Matt's help so I don't explode from overwhelming emotions. But until then my hope is to trust in the beauty of instinct that I am doing everything in my power to get it right.
These links are two powerful, thoughtful opinions on the same source.
[Christina sent them to me today and they couldn't have been better received.
Friends through a lifetime of crazy experiences and still,
she has the power to make me feel 100% better.
I am thankful.]
And this, my friends, is the moment I want to live in...
[An excerpt taken from one of my favorite blogs,
I could not put this feeling into more appropriate words.]
“Sometimes I sit quietly with my hands on either side of my belly and feel you move. I feel the hardness of your little hands and feet as you push against me and I am overcome with peace. Your presence there inside me, envelops me head to toe with the deepest of faiths. In the same way in which I have learned to follow God, In the way I have learned to make a life with your father, In the way I have learned to care for your sister - with that same faith I will trust you to come into this world in your own individual way.
And I will keep brushing away the preconceived notions of who you will be - those unfounded comments on what I should expect - because I feel you speaking to me already. And with every roll of my belly, you say to me “I am here, becoming. And I will be the exact boy you need in your life, mama. No more or no less”
-LP-
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